The best way to tell if a cat is male or female is by checking under the tail. Even for a trained eye, this can be difficult. In a female, you see their genital opening - which looks like a slit, almost under their rectum. In a male, the penis is down a little further and in between it and the rectum you’ll see the testicles. If it was a male intact cat, you would have noticed those! Males also tend to be more muscular and if they’ve been a stray for awhile, they may have the big jowls. It is certainly possible Momma’s friend is a female. And a male may still associate with her if she’s spayed, his interest in her will just be a little different!
More: continued here

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